The Working Mother Experience

We have plans and we have what happens.  The two rarely, if ever, line up.  Those who know me are all to aware that I have plans and contingency plans for almost everything.  Until last week, I would have told you I am happiest when a plan comes together.  The universe intended to teach me a lesson and it worked!  Life threw me a few small curve-balls – for example : no hot water on a Monday morning before work, small GAS leak in the basement, redo needed on paperwork for a financial transaction etc.  Then what every working mother dreads a problem with the child care provider!

Opening up my son’s lunchbox to prepare it for the next day, my husband found a succinct note from our son’s beloved pre-school teacher explaining that due to the economy the school’s doors were closing for good.  We have a short window to find new care.  “FIND NEW CARE?”  My planning centric brain wanted to explode.  Don’t these people know it is Q4, the craziest time of year for my job? Also, my husband’s busiest travel season?  I was infuriated that it was late in evening and could not call any new centers or start “planning” my attack on this problem.  Then I realized that yes this is an inconvenience for me and my family.  It might even be complex for a bit until we find a new system, but what about THEM?  The people who put their heart and soul into the school?  The teachers who likely do not have another job waiting in the wings for them?

I was saddened and humbled.  My little black rain clouds were annoying, but they were not cancer, they were not grieving a loved one, nor was I in a position of looking for a new job in tough economy or grieving the loss of my business.  Think at the level of community and that is where we find peace.  I doubled my resolve to be a happy and active contributor to the world.  I hope you do too!

Catching up on my reading (and blogging) I ran across an article that talks about a woman’s choice to work. The opinion blog by Judith Warner titled “Domestic Disturbances” dispels the ‘choice myth‘. Her ability to succinctly put into words that which most women have trouble articulating is commendable. Priorities are not only a moral dilemma, but a financial one. The ideal mix of working and family time is different for everyone, but providing the best for our families is no longer the pure burden of one spouse.

The Working Mother Experience book drew upon many people’s experiences from many locations, religions, and corporate levels. Most of the authors did not get to read any stories except for their own until after publication earlier this year. Yet, the themes of boundaries, sacrifice, and wanting a better life for our children are ubiquitous. All of the stories in this book are from EMC employees, but since the book was published we have been exposed to the reaction and comments of outside consumers and the same holds true.

We all strive to strike the right balance. We hope we are creating harmonious households while following our own personal cocktail of choices. The Mommy Wars (stay at home moms vs working moms) are fueled by inherently imperfect people, making imperfect choices, in an imperfect world desperate to validate their own decisions or beliefs as the right ones.

The article ends with the statement “When mothers can choose, they choose self-empowerment. Because they know that there is no true difference between their advancement and the advancement of their children. Why do we so enduringly deny them the dignity of choice?” …Amen

**updating to add link to Downtown Women’s Club. Apparently this post moved Diane K Danielson as much as it moved me. Her post on the subject is fantastic and worth a read.